A 2004 University of Nc study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements to their level of “relationship happiness”. Moreover, they experienced improved and healthier degrees of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is really a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and for others.
We’re human; conflicts are an unavoidable part of life’s journey. Within a loss where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant closeness, it’s natural that people won’t always see eye to eye together. Imagine such an instance, whenever your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your companion says and does (and by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is surely an immediate response and bitterness may be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as opposed to principled responses. Numerous regrettable thoughts and actions occur in such moments. I once did a talk within a bookstore and noted the phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long after brittle bones have been healed. There were a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote a song entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As an alternative to holding on to this negativity, you can consciously opt to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself because heated moment when you find yourself flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Suppose you’re capable to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or perhaps your partner?
Remember that you don’t need to be physically or perhaps verbally abusive to become violent. Even thoughts might be destructive, especially because they’re inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. For example, you’ll become withdrawn and significant throughout an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The opposite person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way around, and in no time you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting depressed by them. And instead, you will want to strike if the iron is cold? Allow yourself to relax and cool off, and share how you feel and thoughts when you find yourself ready and they are capable of clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice regardless of the sort signifies that you’re identified with the thinking mind.
It implies you don’t begin to see the other man anymore, only your personal notion of that man. To reduce the aliveness of another man with a concept is a kind of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose that you are on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves may be the span of life. Regardless how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off target sometimes. Probably the most capable fishermen and sailors know that sometimes the good thing you can do-or the thing you can do-is to simply ride the storm. Let the feelings blow due to you then pass. Ride from the mental storm. It’s only a cascade of chemicals, you already know, according to fear. These are simply waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you realized that it’s quicker to stay afloat if you relax your system rather than if you tense up and panic in water?
Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown in their drama either. Remain grounded with one of these mantras:
Storms always pass. There is no need to panic or fear.
Ride the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later I’ll analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now I’ll hold on and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to stay and much better analyze the storm, also to determine what caused it. You can even uncover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?
What helped you pull through? How could you choose this transition easier in the foreseeable future?
Utilize storm as a possible possiblity to gain additional skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Most importantly, remember that storms are a part of life, however you have the capability to navigate your path through them. You’ll always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles tend not to block the path; they are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is surely an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Change Your Story, Change Your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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