One of the of the hugest secrets we try to keep is a sense of independence and self-esteem. The concept or feeling that you are crucial in some special way, that you are cherished by a special person, that someone is giving you special attention, these are some of the ego’s very subtle secrets. We are trying to hide our Divine Self and are playing all these varied games, which look to be very disconcerting. It is pretty depressing and it really doesn’t go anywhere, so we attempt to get scraps of special love, attention and recognition to prop ourselves up.
We labor so hard at becoming “better people”, at gaining greater intelligence and more skills. We want to be admired more and be more popular. The entire self-help sector is focused on bettering the self so you can turn into a better you. That is another trick we secretly partake on ourselves, thinking we have to keep spinning our wheels trying to turn into better. This self-improvement game is another secret we can to learn to let go of. It is very soothing when you start to understand that you do not have to turn into any better than you currently are. You were made perfect. It is not through self-improvement that you find peace but through self-acceptance.
As I worked with A Course in Miracles, I could notice that there was a dread of divine love in my mind. I realized this was the ego’s apprehension of losing itself. The ego is afraid of being exposed and being viewed as a puff of nothingness. That is the dread of intimacy. We discuss about this fear in relationships, which is sometimes portrayed as fear of sexual intimacy, but it is really a dread of dropping our persona, our mask of individuality. It is the terror of getting swept away by a splendid love, a love so powerful that none of us can even envision something as magnificent and potent!
For me, those are the big secrets, because it doesn’t start off with this great realization. It always starts with feeling like you have done something incorrect, whether you’ve pleasured yourself, taken something, abused someone, or there is something in your mind that you have considered as so hideous that you don’t even want to meet it, you just want to overlook about it and push it out of consciousness.
Underneath all those memories and thoughts, is the belief that we are separated. This is the “secret” we hide. It really is an unfeasible belief, but we assume that it is true; We have judged it as terrible and have pushed it out of awareness. All unconscious guilt comes from this belief in separation. And as you really provide yourself over to the miracle, you feel all those hidden beliefs and secrets are being washed away and you finally encounter this hidden belief in division!
Please, share any ideas and observations with me below, I’d love to hear about your encounter!
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